dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
