You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
