He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
