I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
