i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
