oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
