just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
