She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
