and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
