Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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