You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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