My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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