I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Randomize
