why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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