I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
