Please, let me fuck your mom
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
