one might say we're banned from that church
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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