Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
