it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
