Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
