Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
