my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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