I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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