We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
