girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up under a house in Key West
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