i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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