I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
