OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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