The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
