Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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