just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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