I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
wow bdsm is so cute
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
