Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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