when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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