She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
