Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
