There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
