ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
