just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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