i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
