when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
