WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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