Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ladies don't puke and tell
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
