Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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