It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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