I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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