What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
