he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
