its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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