Sorry, I don't speak sober.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
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