Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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