just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
