Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
