chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
